Infertility and Friendships: What to Do When Everyone Is Having Babies

Written By Gerri Mileva

It starts slowly - a friend shares her pregnancy announcement. Then another. Then a third. Suddenly, your group chat is full of ultrasound pics, baby bump photos, gender reveals, and nursery decor tips.

Meanwhile, you’re stuck in a cycle of doctor’s appointments, negative tests, and private heartbreak.
It can feel like everyone is moving forward except you. Like you’re stuck in the mud in a race where everyone has already crossed the finish line.

If you’re navigating infertility, and it feels like your friendships are getting harder to manage, you are not alone. As someone who went through this for 5 years, I say with certainty that this is a deeply painful and very common experience!

Why Infertility Changes Friendships

Infertility isn’t just a medical issue - it’s an emotional and relational earthquake. I call it a hellhole. It can shift how you see yourself, your future, and even your closest relationships.

You might notice:

  • Feeling left behind when friends start having babies

  • Resentment or grief surfacing at baby showers or birth announcements - then immediate guilt for feeling this way about your friends

  • Emotional exhaustion from pretending you’re "fine"

  • Difficulty relating to conversations about parenting or pregnancy

  • Avoidance of social events because it just feels too much

These reactions don’t make you a bad friend. They make you a human being in pain.

“I Want to Be Happy for Them — But It Hurts”

One of the hardest parts of infertility is that you can love your friends and still struggle with their good news.
You might swing between genuine joy for them and gut-wrenching sadness for yourself. That doesn’t mean you’re bitter. It means you’re grieving something important.

It’s okay to feel two things at once.
It’s okay to need space.
It’s okay to protect your mental health.

Setting Boundaries Without Burning Bridges

You don’t have to go to every baby shower. You don’t have to scroll through every bumpdate. And you don’t have to be “on” when you’re running on empty.

Here are a few gentle boundaries that can help:

  • Take breaks from group chats or social media when announcements feel overwhelming.

  • Let friends know (if it feels safe) that certain topics are hard right now.

  • Politely decline invitations to events that may be triggering. You can still send a gift or note if you want to.

  • Limit one-on-one time with new parents if it leaves you feeling emotionally drained.

  • Protect your mental health - you don’t need to explain or justify your boundaries.

True friends will understand, even if they don’t fully “get it.”

When Friends Don’t Understand

It can be deeply painful when friends minimize your experience - saying things like:

  • “Just relax, it’ll happen!”

  • “You can always adopt!”

  • “At least you get to sleep in!”

  • “You’re DINKS, enjoy it!”

If this happens:

  • Name what you need. (“I know you’re trying to help, but what I really need is someone to just listen.”)

  • Choose where to put your energy. Not every friendship needs to be maintained during hard seasons.

  • Find support elsewhere. Sometimes, connection comes from unexpected places - support groups, therapy, online communities, or others who’ve walked this path.

Friendship After Fertility

Some friendships fade during infertility - not out of malice, but because you’re growing in different directions. Others will deepen. Some may come back around later, when the intensity of this chapter softens.

There’s no “right” way to do this. But your needs matter too.
It’s okay to ask: What relationships feel supportive right now — and which ones don’t?

You’re Not the Only One

When it feels like everyone else is posting sonogram photos and you're barely holding it together, it can be incredibly isolating. But you’re not the only one grieving during someone else’s happy moment. I was once there, and so are many of my clients. You’re not broken. You’re not unkind. You’re in pain - and you’re doing your best.

Resources for Support

If you’re struggling with infertility and friendships, these resources may help:

Final Thoughts

If you're navigating infertility while everyone around you is having babies, it's okay to feel angry, sad, left out, or completely overwhelmed.
You’re allowed to make space for your own pain.
You’re allowed to take care of yourself.
You’re allowed to outgrow friendships that no longer feel safe.

You deserve friendships that don’t require you to hide your grief.

Gerri Mileva
Next

Not Every Pregnancy Is Joyful: Making Space for Mixed Emotions