Not Every Pregnancy Is Joyful: Making Space for Mixed Emotions
Pregnancy is often painted as a blissful, glowing chapter in a woman’s life, a time of excitement, connection, and gratitude. But for many, this picture doesn’t reflect reality.
You may find yourself thinking:
“I should be feeling so happy.”
“Everyone says I should be glowing, but I’m exhausted, nauseous, and don’t feel a thing for my baby yet.”
“Why am I not feeling like that influencer who’s ‘never been more in love with her bump’ or saying special mantras to her baby every day?”
“How can I get any bigger? My body doesn’t feel right!!”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Not every pregnancy feels joyful, and that truth deserves space!
The “Should”s of Pregnancy
Clients often share how others’ well-meaning comments deepen their sense of isolation:
“You must be so excited!”
“Pregnancy is the happiest time of your life!”
“Enjoy every minute, it goes so fast.” (ugh, this one is common when the kids are young too…!)
These messages - from friends, family, and especially social media - can make it hard to talk about the less-than-happy parts of pregnancy: the anxiety, the grief (especially if it’s after pregnancy loss), the ambivalence, the fear. They suggest there's one “right” way to feel, and if you’re not feeling it, you must be doing something wrong.
But you’re not wrong. You’re human. And HUMANS are MESSY!
When Social Media Adds Pressure
Platforms like Instagram and TikTok are full of curated pregnancy moments: gender reveals, bump photoshoots, joyful announcements, glowing skin. What we don’t see as often are the moments of uncertainty, the tears at 3 a.m., the panic about birth, the anger at your changing body, or the deep sadness following previous loss or fertility struggles.
These highly filtered portrayals can make you feel like you’re the only one not enjoying pregnancy. In reality, mixed feelings during pregnancy are completely normal.
Common (But Often Hidden) Pregnancy Emotions
You might experience:
Ambivalence about becoming a parent
Anxiety about your health or the baby’s
Grief after previous losses or fertility struggles
Resentment toward your body or your partner
Disconnection from your pregnancy or identity
Shame for not feeling "excited enough"
Intrusive or frightening thoughts
Emotional numbness or flatness
You don’t have to justify these feelings. You don’t have to fix them either. They don’t make you ungrateful, broken, or unfit to be a parent.
Making Space for the Whole Experience
Pregnancy can bring joy and grief, anxiety, fatigue, rage, and fear. These experiences can coexist. Accepting and giving yourself permission to feel it all is not only healthy, it’s necessary.
You are allowed to not love every part of this process.
You are allowed to question things.
You are allowed to struggle.
Let’s normalize that.
Resources to Support You
If you're looking for tools, stories, and support that honor the full spectrum of pregnancy emotions, consider these resources:
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman
A comforting, illustrated guide for moms experiencing intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm.What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood by Dr. Alexandra Sacks and Dr. Catherine Birndorf
An evidence-based look at the psychological transformation of motherhood — the “matrescence” period.
