You Don’t Have to Be 'Strong' All the Time: Rewriting the Self-Sacrifice Narrative
In a world that often celebrates hustle culture and the ability to "push through," many of us have internalized the idea that being strong means staying silent and never asking for help. But what if I told you that being strong could mean something entirely different? That real strength might actually lie in rest, vulnerability, and saying "no"?
As a psychotherapist, I regularly meet people who carry the weight of caregiving, high expectations, and emotional labour. They’ve been praised for being dependable and selfless. And over time, they've come to believe that their value lies in what they do for others, not who they are. This narrative of self-sacrifice can be deeply rooted, especially in women, parents, and those from caregiving or marginalized communities.
The Cost of Always Being "Strong"
Living in constant "strength mode" can take a toll. Clients often report:
Burnout, anxiety, or unexplained fatigue
Difficulty setting boundaries
Feeling disconnected from their own needs
Guilt or shame when resting or prioritizing themselves
These experiences are not personal failures. They're the natural outcome of internalizing a culture that tells us to keep going, no matter what.
What Does Strength Really Look Like?
Strength isn't just about endurance. It's also about flexibility, connection, and being authentic. True strength can mean:
Saying "I need help"
Taking a break before your body forces you to
Choosing rest over productivity
Letting someone support you
Feeling your emotions without judgment
When we redefine strength, we give ourselves permission to show up as our full selves. And we start to model a healthier way of being for those around us - especially the littles that might be watching us!
Rewriting the Narrative
If you're ready to shift away from the self-sacrifice script, here are a few starting points:
Get curious about your beliefs
Where did you learn that being strong meant doing it all alone? (Was it your mom or dad? Or maybe your grandma, who used to say you’re lazy if you sleep in past nine?)
Whose needs were you taught to prioritize? (i.e. Who’s voice do you hear when you want to rest but can’t?)
Notice the language you use
Do you praise yourself or others only when they are "tough"?
Can you affirm yourself for resting, setting boundaries, or expressing emotion?
Practice receiving
Accept help, compliments, or space without guilt.
Let others care for you without rushing to reciprocate.
Connect with others who value wholeness over performance
Whether it’s through therapy, friendship, or community spaces, surround yourself with people who welcome vulnerability!
You Deserve to Be More Than Just 'Strong'
You are allowed to be human. To rest. To break down. To say no. To be MESSY (this may be a theme in my blogs…). You don’t have to earn your worth through over-functioning. It’s okay to put the cape down. Being supported doesn't make you weak. It makes you whole.
Resources for Letting Go of the Self-Sacrifice Narrative
"Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle" by Emily and Amelia Nagoski evidence-based tools for managing stress and burnout
“Impossible Parenting” by Olivia Scobie - looks at changing the culture of self-sacrificial parenting
"Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach a guide to self-compassion and emotional healing - along with her guided meditations
Karen Kleiman's "Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts" especially helpful for new parents navigating guilt and overwhelm
Let’s redefine what it means to be strong, starting with giving ourselves permission to be more than what we do for others!
