What Self-Compassion Actually Looks Like on a Fertility Journey
If you’re going through fertility struggles, chances are you've been told something like:
“Just be kind to yourself.”
“You need to relax.”
It’s well-meaning advice, but what does it actually look like to be kind to yourself when you're grieving, waiting, injecting hormones, doing bloodwork, or dealing with yet another loss or disappointment?
Self-compassion on a fertility journey isn’t always calm or graceful. Sometimes it’s messy, emotional, and fiercely protective. But it’s also essential.
Let’s talk about what self-compassion looks like in real life when you’re navigating infertility.
It’s Letting Yourself Feel What You Feel
You don’t have to “stay positive.” - check out the blog on toxic positivity!
You don’t have to be grateful all the time.
You don’t have to hide your anger, jealousy, or heartbreak.
Self-compassion means allowing the full spectrum of feelings, even the ones you think you shouldn’t be having.
It sounds like:
“I feel devastated today, and that makes sense.”
“It’s okay that I can’t be happy for my friend right now.”
“I’m allowed to feel both hopeful and exhausted.”
It’s Stopping the Internal Blame Game
When cycles fail or plans change, it’s easy to turn inward with judgment:
“Maybe I waited too long.”
“Maybe it’s something I did.”
“Maybe my body just isn’t good enough.”
Self-compassion interrupts this loop.
It gently reminds you: You didn’t cause this. You’re not broken. You’re trying your best in an incredibly difficult situation.
It’s Protecting Your Energy
Self-compassion can be quiet and practical. It might look like:
Logging off social media when the pregnancy announcements are too much
Skipping the baby shower without guilt
Saying “I can’t talk about this right now” and not explaining further
Choosing not to research every supplement or success story when you’re exhausted
Caring for yourself doesn’t mean giving up. It means pacing yourself. SUSTAINABILITY is KEY.
It’s Letting Go of “Doing It Perfectly”
You might have a plan. A list. A timeline. A supplement routine. A diet.
And still, your body is not a machine. Your journey won’t go exactly as planned.
Self-compassion is the voice that says:
“It’s okay to rest.”
“It’s okay to fall apart sometimes.”
“It’s okay to take a break.”
“It’s okay if you missed your supplements last night, it won’t ruin everything”
It’s Creating Space for Hope and Grief
This journey lives in paradox. You might feel hopeful and heartbroken in the same hour. I think of it as a pendulum, others as a rollercoaster. You might long for a baby and dread the next appointment. Self-compassion makes space for complexity.
You don’t need to choose just one narrative. You don’t need to “stay strong” all the time. You don’t have to resolve your grief before you’re allowed to hope again.
Ways to Practice Self-Compassion During Fertility Struggles
Speak to yourself as you would a friend who is struggling
Take a “day off” from thinking about fertility
Name what you need without apologizing
Remind yourself: My worth is not defined by what my body can or can’t do
Choose small comforts that support your nervous system: warm showers, weighted blankets, cozy food, slow walks
Let yourself cry without rushing to fix it or stop yourself
Tools and Resources for Building Self-Compassion
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Kristin Neff & Christopher Germer
Easy-to-use practices for building self-kindness and emotional resilienceFertility Matters Canada (https://fertilitymatters.ca)
Offers peer support and resources for those navigating infertility in Canada
Final Thought
Self-compassion won’t fix everything. It won’t change test results or speed up timelines.
But it can change how you go through this. It can help with your quality of life AS you move forward.
It can soften the edges of a painful process.
And it can remind you that, through all the grief, waiting, and uncertainty you are already worthy of care.
